Monday, October 23, 2006

One of those days!!!

The Ultimate Stress Diet
This diet is designed to help you cope with stress that may build up during the day.
1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat toast 8 oz. skim milk
4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast l cup steamed spinach 1 cup herbal tea 1 small cookie
The rest of the cookies in the package 2 pints Rocky Road ice cream with nuts,
cherries and whipped cream 1 jar hot fudge sauce
2 loaves garlic bread 4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke 1 large sausage,
mushroom, and cheese pizza 3 candy bars
Entire frozen cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer)
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.
4. Foods used for medicinal purposes NEVER count; good examples are hot chocolate, brandy, and toast; and of course cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie-related foods have no additional calories, because they are part of the entertainment package rather than part of one's personal fuel. This applies to buttered popcorn, soft drinks of any size, chocolate-covered ice cream bon-bons, hot dogs, nachos, and all packaged candies - especially if you share.
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. Explanation: The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something; and they are worth minus calories if you are in the process of cleaning up.
9. Foods of the same color have the same number of calories. A prime example of this would be vanilla ice cream, mashed potatoes supreme - and cauliflower.
Corollary: Chocolate is a universal color, due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
10. Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories, since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. (We ALL know how calories like to cling!)
Finally, always remember that
"stressed" spelled backwards is "desserts"!